Texting, instant messaging, DMs, and a bevy of other platforms give us ways to connect with others, with culture, and with life... but are we losing the connection with ourselves? Here are 3 easy steps to set some texting boundaries with examples for real-life situations... whether it's work or booty calls!
Boundaries - everyone has them, but why? And why is it important to follow them? Let's do a quick dive on how setting and keeping boundaries is crucial for our mental and physical health.
Personal boundaries are the basic guidelines you create that define how you want to live life and be treated in relationships. Boundaries are essential to create healthy relationships with anything in life - whether that's family and friends, love, food, alcohol, sleeping, texting or social media. Think of them as a limit or your personal "edge" for what you are comfortable with, what you're not comfortable with, and what will personally keep you safe and happy.
We all need boundaries.
If you haven't created them in a formal sense, you'll probably recognize you have set them without even realizing it. Use this process below to create or adjust your own set of rules for how you want to live. Then periodically check in with yourself anytime you're in an uncomfortable situation to see how you can adjust your own behaviors and set better boundaries.
Here are 3 easy ways to set and keep boundaries in your life... with the focus on texting. Start with these and you'll be able to easily apply these same principles to other areas of your life!
CONSIDER how texting and social media is affecting your lifestyle Think about how texting might be negatively affecting your life. Are long texting conversations leading to conflicts? Do late night texts disrupt your sleep? Is it hard to concentrate with constant notifications? This first step helps identify the areas of life that you may want to start creating some boundaries. It requires you to be self-aware of your needs and reflect on your own behaviors and what you can personally change, because that is all that you can control in life.
CREATE a new boundary that accommodates your needs Start with an easy behavioral modification that you can do to help fix the lifestyle problem identified in step one. As with any goal or guideline, you want to be sure that it's something that is attainable and something that you can stick with. This new behavioral goal is your boundary... congratulations! You are taking a step towards a healthier and happier new you. Make a list of your boundaries... write them down and put the list somewhere that you can refer to and read often.
CONSISTENTLY follow the boundary Once you follow your newly defined boundaries for 21 days, they will become a new lifestyle habit. At this point you may want to adjust the boundary if it is too easy or too hard. Boundaries should make your life easier! To help you be consistent with your new lifestyle guidelines, think about how following them will affect your emotional, mental, and physical state. Why did you create this boundary in the first place? Refer back to your "whys" for motivation whenever you need it.
Boundaries affect us all emotionally, mentally, and even physically! Using the three "Cs" above, here are a few examples of what setting boundaries might look like in several real-life scenarios, whether it's your own behavior or the behavior of someone else:
TEXTING Consider: Every time I hear the notification sound, it breaks my concentration and I can't focus on my work/studies. My work/grades are suffering. Create: I will put my phone on silent when I really need to focus, and only check messages every 15 minutes. Consistent: I will try to follow this boundary when I'm working or when I need to really focus on a project. This will help me be more productive with schooling / my career growth and for potential promotions in the future.
BOOTY CALLS / LATE NIGHT TEXTS Consider: Constant late night texts disrupt my sleep and make it hard to work in the morning. Create: I will put my phone on silent from 11pm to 6am when I really need to sleep. Consistent: I will try to follow this boundary during the week days or when I have a big project or event the next day, so that I sleep better for my overall health.
SOCIAL MEDIA Consider: Browsing social media breaks my concentration and I can't focus. Create: I will start by putting my phone down and give myself 3 minutes to browse for every 12 minutes that I work. Consistent: I will try to follow this boundary in general so that I can be more productive and improve my attention span. This also helps my long-term brain functioning.
WORK TEXTING Consider: My coworker messages after hours all of the time. Don't get mad at the coworker... instead set a boundary for your personal time and space. Create: I will only respond to after work messages if it's an emergency, and recognize that I am not at any company's beck and call. Consistent: I will try to follow this outside of working hours, so that I can have a mental break from the stress and activities associated with work. This will also help me relax more, reduced stress is good for my health, and it will improve quality time with my friends and family.
ALCOHOL Consider: Every time I have more than 3 drinks I do something stupid. Create: I will stop drinking once I have 3 drinks. Consistent: Once I reach 3 drinks I'll switch to water or soda and remind myself that anything more is a bad idea. This will help me make better life choices overall, not be embarrassed by what I might do, improve my reputation, and be healthier in general.
For tips with texting and 100s of example texts of what to say when someone crosses your boundaries, check out The Text Book.
For business situations, consider the hands-on exercises and lessons in Effective Business Writing.
Sending you all lots of wishes for love and health in the upcoming months! Yours,
Elizabeth